1
00:00:36,789 --> 00:00:44,039
Now, remember, Jimmy, you'll only have
time to fire off one shot. Will you

2
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:45,840
me? Just make sure you get ahead.

3
00:00:51,690 --> 00:00:52,740
Don't you see her?

4
00:00:53,410 --> 00:00:54,790
Make sure she's in range.

5
00:01:02,970 --> 00:01:04,020
Riley,

6
00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:13,469
of all people, aren't there any men in
your department who can spend 24 hours

7
00:01:13,470 --> 00:01:16,000
with a woman without trying to get their
leg over?

8
00:01:17,070 --> 00:01:18,120
Come in.

9
00:01:22,670 --> 00:01:24,450
Just popped in to say goodbye, sir.

10
00:01:24,830 --> 00:01:26,230
Really? Off on holiday.

11
00:01:27,050 --> 00:01:28,100
Cueto Venus.

12
00:01:28,590 --> 00:01:29,730
How nice of you both.

13
00:01:30,770 --> 00:01:31,820
Bloody hell.

14
00:01:33,290 --> 00:01:34,550
That's Bodger, isn't it?

15
00:01:34,650 --> 00:01:35,700
It is as well.

16
00:01:35,870 --> 00:01:37,490
You can't keep him down, can you?

17
00:01:37,850 --> 00:01:38,900
It's his hormones.

18
00:01:39,610 --> 00:01:40,870
I don't know how he does it.

19
00:01:41,270 --> 00:01:44,040
I don't know how he does it. You don't
know how he does it?

20
00:01:44,250 --> 00:01:45,300
No.

21
00:01:45,350 --> 00:01:46,670
We don't know how he does it.

22
00:01:47,790 --> 00:01:49,230
They don't know how he does it.

23
00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:53,880
Something's come up.

24
00:01:58,570 --> 00:02:02,370
Oh, this year we're off to sunny Spain.

25
00:02:04,410 --> 00:02:09,250
I don't know what you two are
complaining about.

26
00:02:09,251 --> 00:02:12,129
Half the lads in the force will give
their right arm for an assignment like

27
00:02:12,130 --> 00:02:14,270
this. I mean, look at this place.

28
00:02:15,090 --> 00:02:16,590
You live like kings here.

29
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:19,950
Two kings and one queen.

30
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:25,850
Right. I shall get your bags out of the
back.

31
00:02:26,170 --> 00:02:28,810
You two are going to need to save your
strength.

32
00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:35,829
Now, remember what I told you. You do
not, under any circumstances, lay a hand

33
00:02:35,830 --> 00:02:37,369
on the Duchess. Do you understand?

34
00:02:37,370 --> 00:02:38,169
Yes, sir.

35
00:02:38,170 --> 00:02:40,710
Yes, sir. I can't afford any more screw
-ups.

36
00:02:41,510 --> 00:02:42,890
Keep your hands to yourself.

37
00:02:42,910 --> 00:02:44,960
And keep your underpants on at all
times.

38
00:02:45,390 --> 00:02:46,650
He doesn't wear them, sir.

39
00:02:46,930 --> 00:02:48,110
He thinks it's sexy.

40
00:02:50,490 --> 00:02:51,890
Don't talk about sex.

41
00:02:51,891 --> 00:02:55,329
Don't talk about it, don't think about
it.

42
00:02:55,330 --> 00:02:58,450
For the next two weeks, you two are
utterly sexless.

43
00:03:01,110 --> 00:03:04,360
Come on, then, my little lamb. Her
ladyship awaits your pleasure.

44
00:03:12,010 --> 00:03:14,330
OK, OK, I'll show you them.

45
00:03:14,630 --> 00:03:16,610
I believe you. No, you don't.

46
00:03:17,070 --> 00:03:18,450
I'm going to show them to you.

47
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,450
What the hell are you doing?

48
00:03:22,730 --> 00:03:24,350
Show him, bob me underpants, sir.

49
00:03:25,430 --> 00:03:30,309
I've only got two minutes and already...
Don't you realise this place is

50
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:31,630
crawling with paparazzi?

51
00:03:32,130 --> 00:03:33,180
No.

52
00:03:35,830 --> 00:03:37,790
Come on, a new place like this.

53
00:03:40,370 --> 00:03:41,870
Journalists, photographers.

54
00:03:41,871 --> 00:03:46,049
I've told you, no matter where you are
or what you do in this place, you've got

55
00:03:46,050 --> 00:03:47,610
to assume you're being watched.

56
00:03:47,611 --> 00:03:51,589
One must state to be on the front page
of every national newspaper in the

57
00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:52,640
country.

58
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:56,220
So remember, no cock -ups.

59
00:03:58,380 --> 00:04:02,050
You've got a photograph of the Queen
with the Prince of Wales. In an escort.

60
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:06,879
Brilliant. Now, if you've got a photo of
the Queen with an escort in the Prince

61
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,440
of Wales, I might be interested.

62
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,380
Don't waste my time.

63
00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:12,950
Got anything?

64
00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:17,430
Yeah, it seems our favourite bonking
duchess has got some new protection.

65
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:19,120
God knows she needs it.

66
00:04:19,540 --> 00:04:21,770
They've given her two detectives this
time.

67
00:04:21,771 --> 00:04:23,779
so they can hold each other's hands.

68
00:04:23,780 --> 00:04:24,980
Here, I'll do it, Thomas.

69
00:04:24,981 --> 00:04:27,059
I'm afraid I'm a bit tied up today.

70
00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:30,520
Now, Thomas, I want something juicy for
tomorrow's first edition.

71
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:32,720
This is your fault, this is.

72
00:04:32,721 --> 00:04:36,599
We could have been on the Costa del Sol
now, swigging sangria from a pointy

73
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:37,650
wallet.

74
00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:39,520
I wish you'd stop going on.

75
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:44,490
Of all the assignments we could have
had, this isn't that bad. Not that bad?

76
00:04:44,491 --> 00:04:47,219
Dave, you heard what Bodger said in the
canteen?

77
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,160
Yeah, well, that was Bodger.

78
00:05:00,810 --> 00:05:03,250
He said he was a slave to her sexual
desire.

79
00:05:03,251 --> 00:05:08,609
After three days, he didn't have the
strength left to take the top off a soft

80
00:05:08,610 --> 00:05:09,660
-boiled egg.

81
00:05:10,130 --> 00:05:12,090
He never saw daylight for a week.

82
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:23,430
She kept his handcuffs, you know.

83
00:05:24,430 --> 00:05:26,360
He had to sign a chitty for them and
all.

84
00:05:27,890 --> 00:05:30,000
God knows what happened to his
truncheon.

85
00:05:32,461 --> 00:05:35,979
I don't know what you're worried about.

86
00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:37,030
What do you mean?

87
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,580
Well, it's obvious, isn't it?

88
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:43,660
All we have to do is just make sure that
while we're here, we don't, you know,

89
00:05:43,740 --> 00:05:46,640
turn her on.

90
00:05:46,641 --> 00:05:47,679
You what?

91
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,220
And for you, not turning a woman on is a
piece of cake, isn't it?

92
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:56,239
You've had years of experience. You've
had decades and decades of experience of

93
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,290
non -arousal.

94
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,250
Whereas for you, it's much harder, I
suppose.

95
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,740
You could put it like that.

96
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,040
I've just got to be careful, that's all.

97
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:13,439
I've just got to sort of somehow
suppress the natural magnetism with

98
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,490
cursed.

99
00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:19,140
I've got to sort of somehow neutralise
my natural myths.

100
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:21,810
Myths?

101
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:23,880
Yeah, you know, the pheromones.

102
00:06:24,140 --> 00:06:25,820
I distribute them from my body.

103
00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:29,930
Yeah, well, if you don't wear
underpants, it's going to happen, isn't

104
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:31,850
Yeah, somehow.

105
00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:35,430
Way of making myself not so attractive.

106
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,080
Might limp.

107
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:40,410
Or squint.

108
00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:44,590
Might pretend that I'm a regular viewer
of Top Gear.

109
00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:48,890
I can't make this green button work.

110
00:06:51,930 --> 00:06:53,690
My God, that's not her, is it?

111
00:06:54,650 --> 00:06:55,700
You rang?

112
00:06:56,090 --> 00:06:58,090
You pressed my button.

113
00:06:58,330 --> 00:06:59,590
I bloody didn't.

114
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,330
I'm a keypad.

115
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:05,310
Her ladyship presses the green button
when she needs a rubdown.

116
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:10,840
I was just, uh, fiddling about.

117
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:12,680
I can do you if you want, you know.

118
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,880
It'll help tone up your body.

119
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:19,320
No, no, no, I'm, uh, I'm toned.

120
00:07:20,580 --> 00:07:21,630
What about you?

121
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:23,910
I do emergencies.

122
00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:26,310
He does me.

123
00:07:33,510 --> 00:07:34,910
Pushy little number this is.

124
00:07:35,670 --> 00:07:38,260
24 hours ago, we could have been on the
Costa del Sol.

125
00:07:38,810 --> 00:07:42,010
Now, suddenly, we're in a Derek Jarman
film.

126
00:07:42,011 --> 00:07:45,489
I wonder what happens if we press the
red button.

127
00:07:45,490 --> 00:07:46,609
I think we've had enough of that.

128
00:07:46,610 --> 00:07:47,660
Get off.

129
00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:49,430
Right, so what are they like?

130
00:07:50,030 --> 00:07:52,170
Hmm? Oh, they're not your type, Trish.

131
00:07:52,790 --> 00:07:53,840
Your type?

132
00:07:53,990 --> 00:07:56,330
No, no, no, they're far too dull.

133
00:07:56,830 --> 00:07:58,050
But could they be fun?

134
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:01,770
Well, I suppose in some sort of...

135
00:08:01,771 --> 00:08:06,479
dreadful, suburban way. I suppose, yes,
they could. I mean, they do have this

136
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,770
rather charming air of innocence about
them.

137
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,360
Innocence? Policemen?

138
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,970
Well, perhaps they're from the Never
Been Mounted Division.

139
00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:17,750
Simon.

140
00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:21,650
I tell you what, though, you have to be
careful not to frighten them to death.

141
00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:25,280
How about if I put on my Virgin Queen
act?

142
00:08:27,620 --> 00:08:32,059
I'm not saying, Dan Preston, what I am
saying.

143
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:35,289
is that if you do press it, it's your
fault.

144
00:08:35,789 --> 00:08:37,510
You do want me to press it, really.

145
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:39,630
You just don't want to admit it.

146
00:08:41,289 --> 00:08:42,409
Just press it.

147
00:08:43,549 --> 00:08:44,599
Shall I?

148
00:08:46,770 --> 00:08:47,820
There.

149
00:08:48,290 --> 00:08:49,340
Oh, my God.

150
00:08:49,950 --> 00:08:53,510
Her ladyship is here to see you. Oh,
right.

151
00:08:54,430 --> 00:08:55,570
Thank heavens for that.

152
00:08:58,570 --> 00:09:01,940
Remember, Bubba, if anything starts
happening in your trousers,

153
00:09:02,510 --> 00:09:03,560
Think of Teddys.

154
00:09:09,130 --> 00:09:15,350
How do you do?

155
00:09:17,070 --> 00:09:21,570
I do hope you're both settling in.

156
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,220
Yes, thank you.

157
00:09:23,550 --> 00:09:26,320
I'm so sorry I wasn't here to greet you
when you arrived.

158
00:09:26,350 --> 00:09:29,090
I was in the greenhouse, deadheading the
geranium.

159
00:09:29,091 --> 00:09:33,679
I really don't know what's happened to
them. They're usually so bright at this

160
00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:36,390
time of the year, but they seem to have
gone all droopy.

161
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,780
But enough of my horticultural problems.

162
00:09:40,060 --> 00:09:43,180
I suppose you two would like to settle
in.

163
00:09:43,620 --> 00:09:44,670
Yes, Your Majesty.

164
00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:46,740
Please, call me Jane.

165
00:09:47,140 --> 00:09:49,560
No, Your Majesty's fine, Your Majesty.

166
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:51,690
As you wish.

167
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:55,440
But I would like you to use my humble
little abode as your own home.

168
00:09:55,740 --> 00:09:56,790
All right?

169
00:09:56,820 --> 00:10:02,059
Well... Actually, Your Majesty, there
are one or two things that we should

170
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,180
up from the outset.

171
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:05,330
Bob?

172
00:10:06,220 --> 00:10:07,270
What?

173
00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:11,650
Explain to Her Majesty the one or two
things that we should get sorted out.

174
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:20,839
Well? Well, the thing is... What Bobby's
trying to say is that while we're

175
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:24,740
here as guests in your beautiful home,
we don't want any...

176
00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:28,340
Funny business.

177
00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:30,700
Funny business?

178
00:10:31,010 --> 00:10:32,060
Hunky -punky.

179
00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:34,080
Slap and tickle.

180
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:36,060
Pinky and perky.

181
00:10:37,690 --> 00:10:40,910
I'm sure I have no idea what you're
talking about.

182
00:10:41,370 --> 00:10:44,450
Oh, come, come, come, Your Majesty.
We're all men of the world.

183
00:10:44,930 --> 00:10:47,580
Well, that is obviously... You're not a
man of the world.

184
00:10:48,010 --> 00:10:49,330
You're a woman of the world.

185
00:10:50,430 --> 00:10:51,570
I can see you're a woman.

186
00:10:53,170 --> 00:10:54,790
Self -evidently, you're a woman.

187
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,340
A very womanly woman, if I may say so.

188
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:00,960
A woman with a woman's attributes.

189
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,920
And a woman's womanly charms.

190
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,150
You're a woman.

191
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:09,650
I'm a man.

192
00:11:10,020 --> 00:11:11,070
He's a man.

193
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:13,350
And he's a chauffeur.

194
00:11:13,351 --> 00:11:18,179
Now, the main thing is that in spite of
the fact that we're all in this house,

195
00:11:18,180 --> 00:11:22,699
all sleeping under the same roof, we're
not all suddenly going to cast off

196
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:23,750
our...

197
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:30,019
Cast up our clothing, such as it is.
Cast up our clothing and start...

198
00:11:30,020 --> 00:11:32,580
willy -nilly.

199
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:38,900
Leaping around all nudey, laughing and
giggling like they do on a toilet.

200
00:11:40,220 --> 00:11:41,620
As you wish, officer.

201
00:11:43,740 --> 00:11:44,790
Good.

202
00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:46,800
Then that's sorted, then.

203
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:50,680
Then we can all calm down and just keep
our minds on our work.

204
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:52,930
Fine.

205
00:11:53,201 --> 00:11:56,839
Which one of you pressed the red button?

206
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:57,890
I did.

207
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,760
What news of the Dirty Duchess?

208
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,120
Oh, it's not good.

209
00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:07,339
I think I shall have my work cut out
this time. It might take a bit longer

210
00:12:07,340 --> 00:12:09,220
usual before nature takes its course.

211
00:12:09,221 --> 00:12:12,739
There are two of them, for God's sake.
This should be the story of the decade.

212
00:12:12,740 --> 00:12:14,660
It's a guaranteed front -bench splash.

213
00:12:14,980 --> 00:12:18,660
But I think these two were hand -picked.
They couldn't pull a cracker.

214
00:12:18,661 --> 00:12:22,339
I'm in a bit of a hurry, old bean. I'm
sure you'll think of something.

215
00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:24,080
You've never let us down in the past.

216
00:12:25,290 --> 00:12:26,850
It's going to have to be tonight.

217
00:12:27,310 --> 00:12:29,950
Oh, no, love. You'll have to do a lot
better than that.

218
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:33,170
Why? Well, as you said, there are two of
them.

219
00:12:33,530 --> 00:12:35,570
I think it'll have to be double.

220
00:12:37,870 --> 00:12:42,109
This had better be good. Have one of
your reptiles scale the wall of the east

221
00:12:42,110 --> 00:12:43,870
wing about eight o 'clock tonight.

222
00:12:44,110 --> 00:12:48,170
It's the third window by the stables.

223
00:12:48,630 --> 00:12:49,830
The games room.

224
00:12:50,490 --> 00:12:52,570
And make sure he's got his flash with
him.

225
00:12:53,070 --> 00:12:54,810
I might need to turn off the light.

226
00:12:54,811 --> 00:12:56,699
What exactly are you planning?

227
00:12:56,700 --> 00:12:58,990
Well, that's for me to know and you to
find out.

228
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,040
You and about six million readers.

229
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:10,350
Here she is.

230
00:13:11,460 --> 00:13:12,510
Just act naturally.

231
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,380
No, don't act naturally.

232
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:22,540
What's she doing, Bob?

233
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:28,480
In the swimming pool?

234
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:29,770
Yeah.

235
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,240
She's swimming.

236
00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:38,270
Typical.

237
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:45,040
What's she doing now?

238
00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:51,780
She's still swimming.

239
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,280
Breaststroke, I suppose.

240
00:13:59,850 --> 00:14:01,470
You want it to happen, don't you?

241
00:14:02,490 --> 00:14:05,610
You're lying there, praying she's going
to try something.

242
00:14:06,090 --> 00:14:08,770
I can see your evil little mind working.

243
00:14:09,130 --> 00:14:10,180
That's ridiculous.

244
00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:14,870
You've got that duchess naked in a
bouncy castle full of custard.

245
00:14:17,950 --> 00:14:20,900
You've got a tie to one of those bungee
ropes, haven't you?

246
00:14:21,450 --> 00:14:25,710
And she's wearing one of those little
triangular bikinis.

247
00:14:26,350 --> 00:14:29,240
You know, those little ones that have
only got a front and...

248
00:14:29,930 --> 00:14:30,980
And no back.

249
00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:37,710
And you rub in warm sun oil into her.

250
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:39,840
Firm.

251
00:14:40,330 --> 00:14:41,380
Naked.

252
00:14:44,530 --> 00:14:45,580
Go on.

253
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:49,370
Remember what the super said.

254
00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:54,120
That's right.

255
00:14:54,190 --> 00:14:55,830
Dry yourself in front of us.

256
00:14:56,430 --> 00:14:57,690
She'll be over in a minute.

257
00:14:57,930 --> 00:15:00,810
All wiggles and giggles and feminine
wiles.

258
00:15:03,550 --> 00:15:06,030
Dave, she's gone.

259
00:15:14,470 --> 00:15:18,650
Any minute now, she's going to come
bursting out of there with all guns

260
00:15:19,290 --> 00:15:22,670
And when she does, Bob, we are going to
have to be firm.

261
00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:27,090
Boys, I'm off to tend to my geraniums.

262
00:15:27,470 --> 00:15:28,970
You two amuse yourselves here.

263
00:15:33,150 --> 00:15:37,750
Well, she couldn't keep her hands off
you, could she, Bob?

264
00:15:39,350 --> 00:15:40,730
Perhaps you're not her type.

265
00:15:40,990 --> 00:15:43,280
Perhaps Bodger's got something you
haven't.

266
00:15:43,281 --> 00:15:45,769
You'll never understand, will you, Bob?

267
00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:46,820
What?

268
00:15:47,550 --> 00:15:48,690
Understand what?

269
00:15:49,370 --> 00:15:53,270
Ever since I arrived here, the Duchess
has been in turmoil.

270
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:59,059
She has been fighting with her own
emotions because she knows that if she

271
00:15:59,060 --> 00:16:04,840
make a play for me, it wouldn't be just
some tawdry, sordid bunker. Oh, no.

272
00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:06,470
She knows.

273
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,690
I know.

274
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:12,040
The world knows that with her and me,
it's a bit of love.

275
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:13,490
What's that?

276
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:14,810
What's love, Bob?

277
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:16,530
What is love?

278
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,640
Oh, wiser men than me have asked that
question.

279
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:21,800
Now, you pillock, what's that?

280
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:23,850
Bloody hell.

281
00:16:33,290 --> 00:16:34,340
Nick, sunshine.

282
00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:37,310
Hey, it was my turn to say that.

283
00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:43,150
Get your bloody hands off me!

284
00:16:43,490 --> 00:16:46,200
Found this fine young fellow hiding out
in the bushes.

285
00:16:46,810 --> 00:16:48,190
He might have a bit of a fight.

286
00:16:48,191 --> 00:16:52,129
He's young and strong, all right, but
there's no substitute for professional

287
00:16:52,130 --> 00:16:54,810
training. I'm the one who gave him the
Chinese burn.

288
00:16:55,170 --> 00:16:57,170
For God's sake, Janie, tell them.

289
00:16:58,030 --> 00:17:00,610
Oh, dear Peter, what have you been
doing?

290
00:17:02,660 --> 00:17:04,700
Peter, I was doing my job.

291
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:10,220
Yeah, taking pictures of you. And me.
And him. In the pool.

292
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:12,220
I wasn't taking pictures of anybody.

293
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,839
I was looking for badgers.

294
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:15,660
He was looking for badgers.

295
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:17,740
I work for the BBC.

296
00:17:19,260 --> 00:17:22,140
I'm third assistant director on Badger
Watch.

297
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:24,590
Look.

298
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,060
There's my identity pass.

299
00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:30,070
Peter Burlington.

300
00:17:33,429 --> 00:17:34,869
Burlington? I'm her brother.

301
00:17:35,190 --> 00:17:37,050
Come on, Janie, stop being such a pain.

302
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:40,660
I'm afraid my little brother likes
playing at David Attenborough.

303
00:17:40,661 --> 00:17:42,769
And if you don't mind, I'd like to get
back to work.

304
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:44,830
We're live on air in six hours.

305
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:52,070
I'm sorry about that, Your Majesty.

306
00:17:52,930 --> 00:17:54,550
Bob got the wrong end of the stick.

307
00:17:55,210 --> 00:17:58,850
He doesn't stop and think, you see. He
just flies in.

308
00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:04,660
So it was Bob here who was responsible
for arresting my little brother?

309
00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:11,939
Just charged in. Well, Bob, I'd just
like to say how safe

310
00:18:11,940 --> 00:18:17,139
it makes a little girl like me feel
knowing that there's a big, strong man

311
00:18:17,140 --> 00:18:18,620
you around to protect me.

312
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,880
I think you deserve a little more.

313
00:18:23,620 --> 00:18:24,670
Don't you, Bob?

314
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:26,370
Close your eyes.

315
00:18:27,820 --> 00:18:28,870
Come on.

316
00:18:29,340 --> 00:18:31,000
Big, strong, bob.

317
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,100
Close your eyes.

318
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:09,730
get back to it.

319
00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:39,960
Now make sure you stay there till eight
o 'clock.

320
00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:41,949
And the ladder will be there, won't it?

321
00:19:41,950 --> 00:19:43,090
You're so insecure.

322
00:19:43,590 --> 00:19:44,640
Just leave it to me.

323
00:19:47,650 --> 00:19:49,470
So what's the next part of the game?

324
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:51,330
Move in for the kill, I should say.

325
00:19:51,670 --> 00:19:52,720
Which one?

326
00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:54,170
Well, both of them, of course.

327
00:19:54,930 --> 00:19:55,980
Tonight?

328
00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:57,800
Why wait?

329
00:19:58,650 --> 00:20:02,850
Shall we say the game's room at eight?

330
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:33,920
that, would you, Bob?

331
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:35,370
Hmm?

332
00:20:36,020 --> 00:20:37,070
Oh.

333
00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:43,540
Ten seconds of tongue -hucking and you
turn into a jellyfish.

334
00:20:44,740 --> 00:20:45,790
Yeah.

335
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:49,460
Well, it was me she kissed.

336
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:51,180
Yeah. Me.

337
00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:53,350
Bob.

338
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,280
D .C. Louis.

339
00:20:56,620 --> 00:20:58,790
Yeah, well, think what happened to
Budger.

340
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:00,770
I am.

341
00:21:10,380 --> 00:21:11,430
Who's calling?

342
00:21:11,431 --> 00:21:13,679
Do you know where the duchess is?

343
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,339
How should I know? She's your
girlfriend. Who is it, anyway?

344
00:21:16,340 --> 00:21:17,660
It's her auntie Elizabeth.

345
00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:19,750
Elizabeth?

346
00:21:19,780 --> 00:21:20,830
Yeah, Elizabeth.

347
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,090
I'll take a message.

348
00:21:22,091 --> 00:21:26,039
Sorry, darling, we don't know where she
is.

349
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,090
Any messages?

350
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,580
OK, OK, hang on, hang on.

351
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,350
Sorry, I haven't got a pen. I've got a
pen.

352
00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:36,950
Ah, there we go.

353
00:21:37,580 --> 00:21:38,630
OK, carry on.

354
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:45,839
Aunt Elizabeth called to say she's seen
the front page of the news of the world

355
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:48,720
and we are not amused.

356
00:21:49,460 --> 00:21:52,380
What on earth?

357
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:19,810
Silly old Moo.

358
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,950
She should know better than call on the
mobile.

359
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,300
I mean, walls have ears, don't they?

360
00:22:25,740 --> 00:22:26,940
I told her to hang on.

361
00:22:29,020 --> 00:22:30,580
I said, hang on to the Queen.

362
00:22:31,020 --> 00:22:35,799
And it's not just the phones that are
bugged in this place, only the whole

363
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:36,850
is cropped.

364
00:22:38,300 --> 00:22:39,360
I said, sod it.

365
00:22:40,580 --> 00:22:42,360
I said the word sod to the Queen.

366
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:46,320
You have done a sweep for listening
devices, I suppose.

367
00:22:47,020 --> 00:22:48,070
Eh?

368
00:22:48,071 --> 00:22:51,619
You've done a sweep for bugs. I mean,
they owe to all the detectives. As soon

369
00:22:51,620 --> 00:22:53,440
they come here, they sweep for bugs.

370
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:54,970
Oh, yeah.

371
00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:56,500
We were just about to do that.

372
00:22:56,980 --> 00:22:58,030
Where are we, Bob?

373
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:00,280
I nearly said bugger.

374
00:23:01,660 --> 00:23:03,940
I should get on to it straight away.

375
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,010
As I said, we were just about to do
that.

376
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,320
Well, let's sweep for bugs.

377
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:15,260
Tell you what, why don't we make a start
in the games room?

378
00:23:17,740 --> 00:23:18,790
Red button?

379
00:23:18,791 --> 00:23:19,839
The

380
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:28,839
games

381
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:29,890
room.

382
00:23:31,260 --> 00:23:32,520
You have to bring her.

383
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,900
Just because you've got your pinky and
perky sorted out for tonight.

384
00:23:37,901 --> 00:23:39,279
I haven't.

385
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:40,330
All right.

386
00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:46,520
Well, shall we make a start then?

387
00:23:47,230 --> 00:23:48,280
Right? Okay.

388
00:23:49,070 --> 00:23:50,370
Well, go on, then.

389
00:23:51,930 --> 00:23:52,980
Sweep.

390
00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:18,340
Come on, it's time.

391
00:24:18,970 --> 00:24:20,020
Come on.

392
00:24:20,610 --> 00:24:21,660
Well,

393
00:24:21,990 --> 00:24:23,270
well, well.

394
00:24:23,870 --> 00:24:24,920
What's that?

395
00:24:27,450 --> 00:24:28,590
God, you're thankless.

396
00:24:29,110 --> 00:24:30,510
He found his key as well.

397
00:24:30,581 --> 00:24:32,109
LAUGHTER

398
00:24:32,110 --> 00:24:41,849
It's

399
00:24:41,850 --> 00:24:45,160
terribly intensive, isn't it? You must
be absolutely exhausted.

400
00:24:46,030 --> 00:24:47,170
Would you like a drink?

401
00:24:47,650 --> 00:24:48,790
I don't mind if I do.

402
00:24:50,350 --> 00:24:51,400
No!

403
00:24:51,690 --> 00:24:57,350
Officer! Oh, I'm so sorry. Let me dab it
off for you.

404
00:25:01,810 --> 00:25:04,590
You must get those wet things off.

405
00:25:07,550 --> 00:25:08,600
Yeah.

406
00:25:10,130 --> 00:25:11,180
Yeah.

407
00:25:12,770 --> 00:25:15,410
Why don't you take your wet trousers
off, darling?

408
00:25:20,959 --> 00:25:23,120
What? You're not wearing any.

409
00:25:23,660 --> 00:25:25,740
I bloody am.

410
00:25:26,100 --> 00:25:27,150
Here.

411
00:25:27,420 --> 00:25:28,500
Put these on.

412
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:30,760
Your friend Bodger left them behind.

413
00:25:31,540 --> 00:25:32,590
Yeah, go on, Dave.

414
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:34,820
Put your trousers on.

415
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:37,960
No. Why not?

416
00:25:39,780 --> 00:25:40,920
There's a lady present.

417
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:50,620
Now it's all boys together now, isn't
it?

418
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:52,930
Not quite.

419
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:04,460
OK. OK, I'm not wearing any. I bloody
knew it.

420
00:26:04,860 --> 00:26:07,420
Just don't look. Turn around.

421
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:08,930
Don't be stupid.

422
00:26:10,991 --> 00:26:12,999
I can't see.

423
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,220
Of course I can't. Get on with it.

424
00:26:21,070 --> 00:26:22,120
Coming, boys.

425
00:26:22,230 --> 00:26:23,770
Ready or not.

426
00:26:24,010 --> 00:26:25,060
Bingo.

427
00:26:36,070 --> 00:26:40,170
And now we cross live to the grounds of
Burlington Manor for Badger Watch.

428
00:26:44,470 --> 00:26:47,670
You join us here in the Berkshire
countryside.

429
00:26:48,410 --> 00:26:51,060
just as our family of badgers have come
out of the sun.

430
00:26:51,730 --> 00:26:54,990
Several of the cubs have been foraging
for earthworms.

431
00:26:55,350 --> 00:27:00,029
We've seen the older male badger, the
boar, who's been patrolling the edge of

432
00:27:00,030 --> 00:27:00,849
the territory.

433
00:27:00,850 --> 00:27:02,130
And there we see...

434
00:27:20,810 --> 00:27:22,290
A man without his charger?

435
00:27:22,830 --> 00:27:24,550
With a lion?

436
00:27:25,350 --> 00:27:26,400
Well, there you are.

437
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:30,990
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